my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
