she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
