So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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