you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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