He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
