That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
