Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
