do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
