No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
