what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
