God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize