just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
