and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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