I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
