I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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