How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
