I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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