I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
