Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
