can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
