he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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