Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
