My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize