your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize