there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
love makes seman taste better
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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