Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
