You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
