Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
