Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
