watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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