The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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