so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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