umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
