If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
