We won't sleep together?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
