i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
