chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
