I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
