I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
