I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
