i think my tv is drunk
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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