Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
