My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
