Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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