bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
