I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
