I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
