just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
