My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
