We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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