I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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