Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
