you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
