we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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