margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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