It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize