Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if only i could text you this smell
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
