I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize