ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
