ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
