the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
