The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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