you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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