didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
