We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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