Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
