Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
