Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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