she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
