She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
